Do you have a friend who never seems to have a good day? The sun could be shining, the birds could be singing and the price of regular gasoline could have just dropped to $1.50 a gallon but she would still be miserable and have something to complain about! Lunch with her leaves you feeling as if you just spent the afternoon hanging out with Winnie the Pooh’s friend Eeyor!
I have a friend like that. She talks, talks, talks about the problems but never has any solutions. The only time she’s “happy” is when she’s in the middle of a major crisis or trying to repair a damaged relationship. When things are running smoothly, instead of being thankful, she relives the bad times telling the stories over and over and over again – with pictures!! It is as if her attitude of gratitude button is broken and there is nothing I can do to help her fix it.
One day, after listening for hours, I asked her if she ever felt content and happy. When she said, “no – not really” I suggested it might not be a bad idea for her to think about seeing a counselor. Boy! She perked right up and thought that was a great idea! Unfortunately, all the counseling did was add the topic of her latest “session” to our conversations and pulled me even deeper into the middle of her drama. My soggy shoulder was getting tired and I was beginning to feel depressed myself…
Every time I thought about ending our relationship, guilt would creep in. I’d see one of those commercials on TV that asks, “What if you are the only friend of person suffering from depression?” or hear a sermon on Romans 12:14-18 instructing me to be at peace with everyone. I felt biblically obligated to be her friend.
Then I read a book by Jan Silvious titled Fool Proofing Your Life and discovered some truly liberating truths.! Biblically I was given permission to distance myself from this destructive relationship and a person who relished her troubles and used them both as an attention getting device and the method of avoiding the work it takes to problem solve.
It is not up to me to be at peace with my friend’s behavior. However, it is up to me to keep myself from being pulled into the vortex of her foolishness. It is also up to me, as I let her go, to continue to pray remembering to Whom I am handing over the reins…
“To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
If you are in a relationship with a Drama Queen…beware! Her drama will keep you from solutions of your own. Pray for wisdom in ways to begin distancing yourself, trust God with your friend and try reading Jan’s book to discover some biblical ways to “fool proof” your life!